just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
