peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
