I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize