We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
