this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
