I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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