really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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