I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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