I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
