you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
