This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
