I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
