Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
