And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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