I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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