just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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