Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
