you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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