this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
