see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
