You made me cry and you don't even care
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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