grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
