It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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