It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
