I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
