How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
