I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
4 words: hood of his car
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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