Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We need to rekindle our bromance
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
