when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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