No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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