he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
