so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
