A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
