I'm gonna have a badass scar
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
