why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
