called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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