You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
