dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
