What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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