i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Randomize
