My liver just broke up with me...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So vagazzling was a success
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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