come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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