I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
