well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
