I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dick very happy bro
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
