you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
