Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you win again, gameday.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
