I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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