I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
