I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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