How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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