I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
