Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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