She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just want to make out with him forever
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