So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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