I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
