I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
