were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
