sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
