You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
