I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
