READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
