If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
