Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
