Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.