His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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