i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.