your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.