The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
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It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels