We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
3 2 1 whiskey
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
