in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
