John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
